Category Archives: Living with pain in my life


Can you be defensive and avoid the truth and still be happy in your life?

Can you be defensive and avoid the truth and still be happy in your life?

The direct answer is I don’t think so — and this is why?

When you are defensive that means that fear is approaching…

When you avoid the truth means it is true!!

Yes, it’s true we are creatures of self-preservation even though the truth will set us free from all the pains we are experiencing. 

So why do we run away? 

If we have to face the truth means we may think that our thoughts are wrong! 

I say there is never wrong answers towards the truth only happiness when we face the truth. When we stop the balance of life and avoid means that our feelings will stay with us until the end of your life. 

I don’t want that in my life and I believe that you don’t either. Well, I expect that you want to face what is bothering your life! Yes?

Ask yourself: 

Do I Want More Out Of Life?

Do I want to live without avoiding my issues?

Do I want to Stop defending myself when the truth is in front of me?

Fill in the blanks for yourself and that will be the first step towards self-acceptance first and for most.

If you want to stay where you are now by avoiding and defending then so be it. Then your life balancing act will stay in the victim mode until the end of your life!!

But on the other hand, you are more than willing to accept the truth and move towards living the life you desire then make it your mission and vision to change the way you think!!!

If you have the courage to feel, think & behave differently we are here to serve you towards the life you want!!

To work with us contact me via email at or text me at 778-551-0419 to find out more about creating happiness in your relationship with yourself and others.

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Who is in charge of the emotional breakdown in your relationship - Stefan Neff

Who is in charge of the emotional breakdown in your relationship?

Who is in charge of the emotional breakdown in your relationship?

Let’s start from the top, shall we? 

All emotions start from an event in our lives, from someone saying or doing something in front of our eyes or we hear it from someone’s lips. These situations are what was stopping my happiness from happening. 

Why should I – or why must I have emotional upsets that cause me to have fear and anxious feelings that caused me to fail in my relationships in the past.

Because I didn’t know that I was creating my feelings within me!! I didn’t know I had choices about the emotional upsets that caused me pain, fear and anxious moments in my life at that time. 

Even now I forget that I am creating my emotional feelings when I drop my guard down lol. 

I truly understand we are human and we do irrational things in life, but we don’t need to feel bad, sad or anxious when we have these moments of emotional upsets in our life.

Having to face what’s not working in your relationships, family life, or own personal thoughts when it comes to emotional upsets means you’re going to have to do something uncomfortable. Which is why a lot of people avoid it.

You might have to confront yourself, or maybe even let go of your irrational beliefs. But if you are unable or unwilling to do these uncomfortable things, you’ll end up tolerating a situation that doesn’t work to the point where it causes serious internal damage. 

Like I have said many times in my past posts is that we have the capability to fix our self-talk and inner dialogue on a daily basis. 

So why is it that we hold onto these emotional feelings that are holding us back from the life we want & desire. 

Because we are professional Musterbators, another word we must feel this way otherwise we won’t receive love & care from others. 

Why do I know this, because I was the best of the best Musterbators in the world… LOL!!

Self questions:

Am I a Musterbator?

Do I seek attention from others to feel good?

Do I awfulize some or all the emotional happenings in life?

Do I feel mad, sad or anxiousness when someone says or does something I don’t like?

Do I feel the world isn’t fair?

These are just a few questions that you can ask yourself when you feel upset at someone for saying or doing something that you think is against you!!

Remember that what others are saying or doing is a self-reflection of who we are… Yes, that includes ME! 

I was thinking this way in the past, how bad the world is, how mean people were and so on…

How can you change from living in an emotional upset to living the life that you dream and desire every single day!!

There is a process that worked for ME and I know it will work for YOU.

If you have the courage to feel, think & behave differently we are here to serve you towards the life you want!!

To work with us contact me via email at or text me at 778-551-0419 to find out more about creating happiness in your relationship with yourself and others.

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The Things That Upset Us Are The Missing Puzzle Pieces To Our Happiness - Stefan Neff

The Things That Upset Us Are The Missing Puzzle Pieces To Our Happiness

The Things That Upset Us Are The Missing Puzzle Pieces To Our Happiness…

Why was this so important in my life?

When we look at the truth with open eyes we will find the real reason why!

I asked myself many open-ended questions about upsetting feeling in my life from the past! So what did I find out about? 

I was rejecting all the painful moments that caused me fear and anxiousness throughout my adult life… This is why I had such emotional feelings towards others that I thought were hurting me. The truth be told I brought that upon myself why that person was hurting ME!!

I always say, no one can hurt me unless I allow them too!!

Until I started to face that truth I would always have upsetting feelings in my life!!

When We Face The Truth Joy & Happiness Always follows!!!

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Stefan Oskar Neff Big Bang Soundcloud Podcast Season Three

Big Bang Sound Podcast Episode #1 Season Three – Day Of New Beginnings


Our Mission – To create dynamic, easy to follow systems of coaching programs, sessions, groups and systems for people with addictive behaviours that create a powerful learning environment both in personal growth and life skills and inner knowledge of self-acceptance. To abstain from addictive behaviours and grow their mindset to outrageous levels of success. 

Why -There is a ton of struggling and suffering surrounding addictive behaviours today that is impacting people’s financial situations and families. Addictive behaviours in families lives are continually being destroyed because of addictions. It does not have to be this way and through our mission we want to change the statistic of slipping and failing in the first 45 days of recovery to 99% being successful and having an amazing positive influence on society and our communities.

Our Vision -To be the world leader and chosen authority in understanding and adding soul and heart into individuals lives, and to dramatically impact the success rate of addictive behaviours through influential relationship building. To improve the inner growth of individuals and sustainability of abstinatanc to enhance the life of our clients and their family and the communities that support them.

What you will receive from our life-changing High-Performance Recovery Coaching. You will create a well-balanced lifestyle that most individuals only dream of having, you will create inner self-acceptance from whatever life has thrown at you. You will be able to deal with stressful situations and release anxiousness that is stopping you from living the life that you deserve. Our Coaching will guide you to have the tools necessary to cope with urges that are surrounding your addictive behaviours and unhelpful thoughts and feelings. Life will never be the same as your smile will glow from ear to ear and turn a dark room into the light of hope in your life like nothing else on this planet. The freshness of your life will feel like you’re tasting a freshly picked apple off the tree of unconditional love. Step forth into the life that you desire today…


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Why Did Drugs Feed My Pain?

Why Did Drugs Feed My Pain


Chapter 2


With what I thought would be good for my pains wasn’t always good for my soul in the long-term race to the end result that I was looking for. What were the issues that I was craving in my life? Well, the one most important thing I wanted was to be loved, I needed acceptances from my parents so much I could taste it in the drug that consumed me at the age of thirteen years old. The trap had been set in my thoughts and overpowered my brain that was shaping me up to be a needy person, I was always seeking attention from others to fill my cup with love. I was a lonely child when sitting in my room late at night, I remember always turning on the heater when my parents went to sleep. The noise of the Furness soothed my loneliness as if my mother was holding me in her arms. I use to go into the basement and even turn on the clothes dryer to get the warmth and sounds so I never felt alone. I would fall asleep on top of the dryer and even in the middle of the night. I would repeat the same patterns into my teens even when I smoked drugs, the pain wouldn’t go away from my thoughts. I even tried to use warm milk at night but all that did was make me wet my bed. You see I was a bedwetter for most of young life, from the ages of three years old and up to the age of fourteen or so give or take a few years. I was ridiculed as a child for being a bedwetter from my parents most of all the neighbourhood kids in my small elementary school that I attended. I hated the feeling of being teased as a child. I would cry myself to sleep most nights. I noticed when I started to smoke cigarettes at thirteen I was king of my own destiny, I could feel strong as if I couldn’t be hurt. Then when drugs came into my life, the pain was starting to disappear but as soon as the high went away the pain came right back the next morning. I never knew then that I was in the circle of no return but at least I knew the pain would go away for a little while. Yes, that is what I said the drugs worked only for the short term pain just like prescription drugs that doctors prescribe to their patients when they are hiding from there inner pains. I truly believe that pain comes from our past thoughts that we create every day we are here on this planet. When I was a kid I wanted to be heard from my parents, but I was told to mind my own business and just do what you are told. Do your homework do your chores and we can talk about it later. I waited for the talk but the talk never came. What the heck is going on I thought to myself, I did my work so when can I get what I asked for? I never believed that I deserved anything that I asked for in life. I only got what was provided to me. Was this all there was in life a bucket full of promises from the people who had raised me and was supposed to love me unconditionally? Why me I thought, am I that bad am I not worth it be given what I asked for in life. I couldn’t understand the whole scheme of life as I was growing up.  I only knew if I could only please them more I could receive more love and appreciation from my parents. Ok enough doom and gloom about my childhood, let’s talk business now!


How to stop the doom and gloom in life? I will tell you that life is very hard when YOU MAKE IT HARD!! Life can be and will be fun when you open up to new possibilities towards what you want not what you don’t want to happen in life. If you want joy and happiness you will receive it when you let go of fears that is holding you back from those most joyful moments in life. There might be roadblocks in your way but those are to make you stronger. If you think they are to stop you from what you want then you will stop moving towards your ultimate goal and that is happiness.


I always thought people were trying to hurt me so they were because I wanted to receive pain in my life. I wanted people to feel sorry for me when I was a small child so people did just that. I got what I asked for in my life for so many years. My plan worked out just as I laid it out. I would wet my bed to receive attention from my parents. I would fail my classes in school to have people feel sorry for me, to look upon me as if there was something wrong with me. I got it right the first time, I did get my pleasure of having my parents see me as a dysfunctional little boy that couldn’t do anything right.


I needed my parents for my pleasure to feel this way for most of my life even up until I was 40 years old. I never understood this until I found a solution to my life.


Chapter 3 will be coming tomorrow evening!!!


Stefan Oskar Neff in the mountains nature sunset summer

17years old boy Mind Blowing Experience. 依存症回復施設でも変わらなかった子のマインドが変わった瞬間【Japanese Subtitle】



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3 Reasons You Should Love Yourself More – Law Of Attraction


Have you ever wondered why we find it so easy to love other people – and so difficult to love ourselves? We have been taught that loving ourselves is selfish or conceited in some way.

But this simply isn’t true. In this video I give you 3 reasons you should lover yourself more AND 7 tips to accomplish this. I’ve attached a FREE download to help you stay more positive, click the link above to download! Transform your life and career with this FREE training: The 7 Pillars of True Life Transformation!

Stefan Oskar Neff New Book Release On AmazonFrom Zero To Hero Why The World Picked Me Written By Stefan Oskar Neff Top Amazon Book
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I want to take you on a journey. A man’s journey, from self-indulgent zero to empathetic hero. On the journey to finding my purpose, I crossed continents, chased dreams, fought nightmares and found, that all the crazy hair-brained things I did to “protect myself” never really helped protect me at all. They only slowed me down from finally arriving at an understanding of who I am and why I’m here.

It was only when I met a kindred spirit, a woman who was equally as troubled, and searching to escape her family, that I began to wake up to the nightmare I called my life. My whole world was turned upside-down in the blink of an eye, and it left me wondering who was crazier me or her.

Was my meeting this woman fate? Or was it a desperate act of a self-destructive man, with only one possible outcome? Was this woman going to do me in, or was she my one chance at redemption? In order to find out, I was going to have to let go of everything that I claimed as my personal right as a man, and look in the mirror with clarity and honesty.

There are moments in life where we make choices that may not serve us in life. We drift along without asking the tough questions. This is a story about the choices that I made answering those questions, and my gradual awakening to what life is really all about.

My ultimate goal for everyone is to maximize results!

My New Book Is Available On From Zero To Hero On Amazon United States

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