Living life without love…

Why do I fill my life without love.

I didn’t have love in my heart for many years, always searching for the right answers but really finding the truth about who I was. I would hurt the people that where the closest to me all the time never understanding why I was doing these terrible things. I would only love when it benefits me, never loving with a open heart. These things never really bothered me at the moment of doing it. It just seemed to come so naturally to me, giving pain and suffering to others. This was my expertise to create laughter in my face when I would do these horrible things to people, it made me feel so good to hurt people. I knew what I was doing but didn’t want to except the end result that was my life at that time. Going through life giving what I wanted to people, oh yes I thought I should give before I receive right that is the way it is right. I enjoyed this feeling in my life always hurting people that where closest to me, to drive that pain point straight to their hearts without expectation of rejection of pain from them. This feeling I loved all around my life everyday. I wanted to get satisfaction from this feeling I was receiving from the outcome that made me feel comfort in my mind.